Battleground Kitchen

As a bachelor, I have had opportunities to stay at various company provided accomodations. One great feature in most of these fully-furnished accomodations was that most of them had great kitchens and utensils that provided ample scope for experimentation and learning. Over the years I have earned much appreciation and acknowledgement from my colleagues / room-mates for my culinary skills.
Infact, those close to me would vouch for my 'Exposive' cooking abilities and the kitchens at most
of the company guest houses still exhibit the signs of a great cook having walked its premises...

From the experiences earned through my culinary escapades, I have the following tips to offer to hopeful beginners....

1) Wash the rice and then place it in a bowl, adding water in the ratio of 3:1
2) Place the bowl inside the Pressure cooker.
3) Now wash the dal and then place it in a bowl, adding water in the ratio of 3:1
4) Place the bowl above the rice in the Pressure cooker.
5) Cut the cabbage, sprinkle some water and some turmeric powder
6) Place the cabbage above the dal in the Pressure Cooker.
7) Wash the potatoes and cut them in half and drop them into the pressure cooker.
8) Fill some water in the cooker and place on the burning stove.
9) Place the weight on the cooker.
10) Now come outside the kitchen, walk atleast 15 feet away from it and hold your position, with
your back to the kitchen, bending slightly, using your index fingers to plug your ears and eyes tightly shut and wait...
11) Urge your room-mates / house-mates also to stay well clear of the kitchen and hold a similar posture as yours.
12) As you hold your breath and wait, listen intently for the whistle.
13) As the first whistle comes along, heave a sigh of relief
14) As the second whistle comes along, heave a heavier sigh of relief
15) Be ready for the third whistle and as soon as it blows, rush into the kitchen, turn off the
stove and dive outside, doing a double somersault and wait in a crouching position outside the kitchen. Stay in this position for a couple of minutes and if nothing happens, then get up, push your chest out, and walk beamingly towards the kitchen with an air of achievement.
16) If anything goes contrary to your expectations, pick up your phone and call Dominos (Strict
adherence to the above tips is extremely essential for retaining this choice)