The Vaccination

I had a strange dream yesterday night. Well, not quite that strange given the kind of circumstances that we find ourselves today, with all that is going on and all that you are now thinking of is how to get the vaccine.

We scan the news channels for any latest news of vaccines to take some solace when they say the availability of vaccines will be ensured in the near future and browse through numerous third party sites that seem to offer alerts on vaccine availability only to find that when you ultimately try to schedule an appointment on the CoWin, you either do not receive the OTP or if you are lucky to receive one, only to find that all the appointments are already booked !!

Needless to say, with all this going on in your mind, when you go to sleep, the kind of dreams you have seems to revolve around vaccines !!

So here I was having finally got an appointment and up early in the morning standing in a queue at a private hospital. I craned my neck to glance in front to see the number of people before me, and to my shock, I could not even see where the line started !! 

There were hundreds, if not thousands of people lined up before me and it was the same case behind me as well.

As I stood there, hundreds of thoughts started flooding my mind. When will my turn come ? What should I ask them ? Is it going to be painful ? Can I drink water immediately after the jab ? When can I take food after the jab ? How long should I wait before returning home ? I took my last vaccine when I was 12, and I never thought I would have to get a jab again in my life. Its been more than a quarter of a century since I took my last jab, it almost feels like it was in my previous birth !! Would it be painful ? I remembered all those false assurances I used to give my little son while taking him for vaccination. Be still, baby, it won’t pain … just a pin-prick … like a mosquito bite… don’t cry… hold him tight… there you are….here good boy don’t cry now…its over… take this chocolate… and that’s it…  he was happy munching his chocolate within minutes. Well, nobody’s got a chocolate ready for me today…

Then a bunch of healthcare volunteers appeared holding crates of vials and syringes.

“The stock has arrived just now”, I thought…

Suddenly there was an announcement on the loudspeaker… “There is an unprecedented crowd today and our staff will not be able to vaccinate each and every one of you”….

“Here goes”, I thought, “looks like my number will not come today. Let me save my thoughts and apprehensions for another day and make my way back for now”…

The announcement continued, “Today all of you will have an opportunity to be the ‘Vaccinated’ and the ‘Vaccinator’…”

“What ?”, I thought , “is it like being the Hunter and the Hunted ?”

The voice continued, “Our volunteers will distribute the vials and syringes to you and each one of you can give the jab to the person in front of you in the queue…”

“Horror of horrors”, I thought, “not only am I going to get a jab from an amateur , I also need to pass on the good deed to another person”

As I received the vial and syringe from a volunteer, I looked behind me to find a man in his late forties or early fifties holding the vial and syringe in each hand and grinning from ear to ear. The word, ’Smiling assassin’ made sense to me now. One look at him and I recognized the type. Always willing to volunteer…thinking they are the experts in everything they do and thinking they are doing good to the other when they are actually causing more harm.

I gulped down hard and managed a wry smile back at him.

I looked in front of me and saw a young woman in her early twenties. “Poor thing”, I thought as I looked at the syringe in my hand.

Before I could think of much, I felt a sharp pain in my right arm. I twisted around in agony, suppressing a scream. His right hand was plunging the syringe into my arm and the vial in his left hand was empty. He had done it !! And my arm was in excruciating pain !!

It was my turn. Now that I knew how bad it pains, my hand trembled thinking of how I was going to give the jab to the young lady in front of me. What if she screams? It would be such an embarrassment. I wanted to ask for help. There were a few nurses walking around helping people and giving demos on how to give the jab. 

I shouted, “Is this supposed to be an intra-muscular or an intra-dermal injection?” (Not that it made any difference to me).

A nurse came up next to me. “Please make it fast”, she said.

I took the syringe in my right hand and was about to prick the person in front of me.

“You need to take the medicine in the syringe first”, the nurse said.

“Oh, sorry”, I pulled plunger and took the medicine into the syringe.

“Now you need to release the air out of the syringe”, the nurse continued, visibly irritated by my total ignorance.

I held the syringe with the needle pointing up and slowly pushed the plunger to release the air out. Then holding the syringe with both my trembling hands and with my eyes shut, I pushed the syringe into the young lady’s arm, waiting for the scream.

But there was no sound. Waited a bit longer…still no sound. Wow, either I was a great jabber or the lady was really brave !! I slowly opened my eyes and looked at her. She had an impassive face as if nothing had happened !!

“Wow”, I thought, “this is one brave lady”… then I looked at the nurse. Her face was not all that impassive…rather it was seething with anger… she glanced alternately at me and then at the site of the injection…

I followed her gaze… the needle of the syringe had only pierced the sleeve of her dress !!

I gave a sheepish smile. This was embarrassing…I apologized for having made a hole in the dress.

The nurse snatched the syringe from my hand and then she pinched the young lady’s arm to create a bulge and pushed the syringe in.

“Now that’s how you give a jab”, she said, “Now go ahead and press the vaccine in”, as she placed my thumb back on the plunger.

I obliged and heaved a huge sigh of relief that it was finally done…feeling ready to go home after a victory in battle, when the loudspeaker turned on again. “Congratulations everyone. This was the first doze of this vaccine. See you all in the afternoon today !! This vaccine needs to be taken three times a day for three days to complete your first course of vaccination”

I fainted….

The Extra-Curricular Extravagance

As I watch my little cousins and nephews engage themselves in a host of extra curricular activities in their school, I feel a slight pang of guilt. During my school days, though we did not have as much opportunity or encouragement for such activities as the kids today, the opportunity was not absent. It is just that I was too lazy to engage myself in anything that was not strictly within the realms of school curriculum. In other words, the term “Voluntary activities” never existed in my dictionary. When the routine curriculum itself is taking so much toll on those precious grey cells, where was the time and resources for such profligacy? The fact that I realized that I was not the only one who belonged to this school of thought, did not help matters much.
So our headmistress came out with a strategy to counter the likes of me – she introduced the word (which later became her favorite word in English language and the one I hated the most in school), “COMPULSORY” to anything and everything associated with school. She started chanting this word so frequently that I used to imagine that she even keeps mumbling this word during her sleep and in casual day to day conversations such as:
To her 3 year old daughter: “Honey, here’s your COMPULSORY lolly-pop. Now please stop crying COMPULSORILY”
or to her house maid , who was asking for an off on the Sunday: “I leave it up to you, but it would be really helpful if you could come this Sunday, COMPULOSRILY”
or to the hawker selling vegetables: “You are not bringing tomatoes nowadays. I wish you could bring them next time, COMPULSORY”
To me, the word COMPULSORY only meant one thing – faking of illness – an endeavor that required a lot of effort – and a letter signed by my dad the next day. Things became easier for me when my younger brother grew up and he learnt to forge by dad’s signature.
He would invariably refuse, but then I always had some cards up my sleeve. “Poor Rahul had his shirt torn today during the fight in the school bus. Do you want me to discuss it with Mom?”, and sure enough I would have my letter ready next day.

Things went on like this until my 9th grade. It was then that the school introduced compulsory participation in extra curricular activities in the form of various activity clubs during school hours (every Friday 2 hours in the afternoon) and every student was asked to associate himself / herself with one club or the other. There was no escaping this one! There were a number of options available: -
1) The athletics club – would have been fun if not for the obsessed PT instructor who wanted to make Olympians out of us. I had no intentions of participating in Atlanta 1996, so the athletics club was out of the question.
2) The science club – Since I didn’t intend to blow up the chemistry lab or experiment upon Toads and Tadpoles, this too was not an option for me.
3) The environment club – responsible for maintaining clean environment at school meant that I was naturally disqualified.
4) The speaker’s forum – on stage, I wouldn’t be heard over the racket created by my knees banging against each other, so I did not even consider this option.
5) The debate club – knowing karate, kung-fu or martial arts was a pre-condition since that is what the debates always ended up in.

Since none of these options suited me, I went in search of like-minded school-mates to start a revolt. Finally, our class teacher relented and gave us an option – to form a new club provided the minimum quorum of 20 members is achieved. If we were not able to form the minimum team required for the club, then we would have to join one of the above clubs.

So along with two of my class-mates, I floated the “Socio-cultural club”. In order to get approval from the head-mistress we had to present the proposed activities of the club. Since we did not intend to actually perform any of the activities, we made up a huge list of proposed activities that included almost everything short of mission to Mars. Sure enough, our headmistress was extremely impressed and gave her immediate consent for us to start canvassing for our club.

We started with our own class – the 9th grade, the idea was to get as much seniors in the team as possible so that the club would get its importance. However, after much canvassing we found no takers there. But we were not discouraged. We decided that we would keep going one grade at a time downwards- the 8th grade, then the 7th grade and so on to find our minimum quorum.

Two weeks went by and when finally we met one Friday afternoon, I looked pompously at the class, proud of having influenced the young minds and commending myself over my leadership abilities, I stood in front of the class looking at my team. Eighteen pairs of innocent, yet mischievous eyes stared back at me. We had managed to impress a few first and second graders to join our club!! The little things did not even have a clue about what they had got themselves into!!
I was made the President of the club and my two classmates the secretary and the treasurer.

Since planning for activities was always exciting especially when you know that you are not going to implement any of them, at every meeting, we planned a lot of things for the club. The discussion was always limited to the three of us while our younger friends would run around the class room hopping from desk to desk, screaming and fighting. We would just let them be unless things went too far. We sometimes had to quickly spring into action, chase down our younger team mates, pounce and grab them and get them seated before the headmistress comes visiting our class during her regular rounds. Things continued like this for a couple of months and then one day, the class teacher suddenly came to our class and announced that we would be required to show results of activities of the club to the headmistress soon. We began to panic. We had to do something! Now was the time for some practical ideas. Finally we decided upon a project for ourselves. We would build a landscape on a tray. The next 2 months were spent in gathering resources for the project – money, materials etc. We spent the next 3 months on implementation, and our mischievous team members did not make matters easy for us since they would want to make their contribution to the project which meant that two of us had to stand guard on either side, while the other worked on the landscape.
Finally when just two months remained for the academic year to complete, we had finished our grand project and I looked proudly at our achievement – the fruits of our relentless toil and hard work. We were exhausted at the end of it all but we thought the effort was really worth it. We had a beautiful landscape with hills, plants, grass, a painted river flowing down the hill, and a couple of miniature huts near the river bank.
Our class teacher suggested that we present our creation to the headmistress. So myself and one of my classmate carefully held the tray between us and walked down to the principal’s office. We set it down at the table in front of our headmistress who studied it carefully. As we sat expectantly, she looked up at us and smiled. We were relieved. We were about too seek her permission to close the activities of the club for the academic year, when she said, “That is a nice model. I really like it. But you have very less time now. Anyways, I suggest you start working on it immediately. There is a square plot of land just behind the nursery section. You can build the actual landscape there.” We looked at each other and then at our headmistress. We were trying our best not to burst out laughing. We managed a quick “Yes ma’am” and made our exit. We were rolling in laughter as we made our way back to our classroom. The class teacher looked at the two of us with raised eyebrows as we entered the classroom. It took us few minutes to stop laughing, catch our breath and explain to our class teacher what the headmistress had suggested. She too broke into a hysterical laugh…

The Light House

In the middle of the vast ocean, a lone sailor was trying with all his might to keep his boat afloat. Nature was in all its fury. Thunderstorms showed no signs of relenting. The gigantic waves were threatening to toss away the boat and the sailor was gradually losing his strength….
… Suddenly, in the distance, he saw a light. It seemed to be very far away. It looked like a light-house! Slowly, his hopes that were sinking began to revive. But even before he could steer his boat towards the light, something else caught his attention. His expression turned from surprise to astonishment to delight and to ecstasy. The sight in front of him was absolutely breath-taking. It was…….an island!!
But it was not the island that had caught his attention, it were those shining yellow rocks scattered all over the island…. IT WAS GOLD!! And lots and lots of them too!!
The sailor used all his strength to steer the boat towards the island. He struggled very hard. Though this island was quite close by, he had to fight against the force of nature to reach there. The thunderstorms and the gigantic waves proved to be hurdles, but blinded by the glitter of gold, he fought his way towards it. And after a lot of struggle, he finally managed to get close enough to the island. He then jumped into the water and swam with all his remaining strength towards the island. Finally, his feet touched land. Although, physically he was thoroughly exhausted, his eyes revealed ecstasy – almost to the extent of MADNESS. Yes, his eyes revealed a madness – the lust for Gold.
He jumped, screamed and danced with joy, holding the ‘stones’ close to his heart, blissfully unaware of the fact that in the meantime, the waves had tossed his boat, shattering it against the rocks. And all that remained of the boat, were a few splinters of wood. The sailor, however, was in his own world, delighted and ecstatic, not realizing that he would never get to enjoy the ‘treasure’ that he had found.
The sailor was looking with admiration at the shining piece of stone in his hand. Suddenly, he remembered his boat. He rushed towards the edge of the island, only to find that his boat had been completely destroyed. He was shocked and began to panic. He did not know whether to laugh or to cry. He then began laughing hysterically, his laughter gradually turning to weeping and then back to laughing again – like a MADMAN. He was losing it…
Just as he was about to completely ‘go over the edge’, he gained control of himself and tried to calm himself down. Gradually, the reality began to sink in. He looked at the ‘stone’ that he was holding. It was losing its luster. He looked around him. All the ‘stones’ were losing their luster. Gradually, he began to realize that they were all nothing but ordinary stones – worthless!! The realization dawned on him, that he had committed a grave mistake. His eyes were filled with tears – of repentance. But it was too late now…
He was tired, he was sick, and just as he was sinking into a deep slumber, he sincerely wished that he got one more chance…

In the middle of the vast ocean, a lone sailor was trying with all his might to keep his boat afloat. Nature was in all its fury. Thunderstorms showed no signs of relenting. The gigantic waves were threatening to toss away the boat and the sailor was gradually losing his strength….
Suddenly, in the distance, he saw a light. It seemed to be very far away. It looked like a light-house! The light had a strange sort of calmness and peace about it – a stark contrast to the challenge that lay before him now. But even before he could steer his boat towards the light, something else caught his attention. The sight in front of him was absolutely breath-taking….it was an Island!! But it was not the island that had caught his attention, it were those shining yellow rocks scattered all over the island…. IT WAS GOLD!! And lots and lots of them too!!
The island seemed near and relatively easier to reach. However, just as he prepared to steer his boat towards the island, he glanced at that light in the distance. He felt a strange sort of peace as he gazed at the light. The light seemed to beckon him. He was in complete dilemma now, having very little time to decide. A huge wave was menacingly heading towards his boat. He was staring at Death….
Just as the huge wave was about to crash on his boat, he gathered up courage. He had made up his mind. He began to row towards the ‘light’.
No sooner had he made up his mind to row towards the light, the huge wave disappeared, thunderstorms ceased, the sea calmed down and the boat glided smoothly towards the light on its own. The sailor was watching all this miracle with astounded eyes. The boat sped towards the light and in a few moments, the boat had crossed to the other end of the ocean. Just as he set foot on the land, the boat disappeared; and as he saw with amazement, the entire ocean disappeared right in front of his eyes. It was as if the ocean never existed!! As if it were all an illusion that was being lifted and the reality establishing itself in front of him. He turned and started looking for the light-house – the source of light that had guided him to the safe shore. But the light-house was nowhere to be seen. However, the sailor was feeling extremely peaceful – and a strange sort of joy – a sort of joy that was incomparable to any other joy – a sort of joy that was infinite. He realized then that his entire self had began to glow, it was shining with brilliance – the same light that seemed to be coming from the ‘light-house’. Gradually, the realization dawned on him that it was indeed he, who was that light-house, shining with brilliance, showing the way for other fellow sailors in distress. The heavens opened up and it began showering flowers all around him.
In the meanwhile, at a distance, another lone sailor in the middle of the vast ocean was trying his might to keep his vessel afloat…

Battleground Kitchen

As a bachelor, I have had opportunities to stay at various company provided accomodations. One great feature in most of these fully-furnished accomodations was that most of them had great kitchens and utensils that provided ample scope for experimentation and learning. Over the years I have earned much appreciation and acknowledgement from my colleagues / room-mates for my culinary skills.
Infact, those close to me would vouch for my 'Exposive' cooking abilities and the kitchens at most
of the company guest houses still exhibit the signs of a great cook having walked its premises...

From the experiences earned through my culinary escapades, I have the following tips to offer to hopeful beginners....

1) Wash the rice and then place it in a bowl, adding water in the ratio of 3:1
2) Place the bowl inside the Pressure cooker.
3) Now wash the dal and then place it in a bowl, adding water in the ratio of 3:1
4) Place the bowl above the rice in the Pressure cooker.
5) Cut the cabbage, sprinkle some water and some turmeric powder
6) Place the cabbage above the dal in the Pressure Cooker.
7) Wash the potatoes and cut them in half and drop them into the pressure cooker.
8) Fill some water in the cooker and place on the burning stove.
9) Place the weight on the cooker.
10) Now come outside the kitchen, walk atleast 15 feet away from it and hold your position, with
your back to the kitchen, bending slightly, using your index fingers to plug your ears and eyes tightly shut and wait...
11) Urge your room-mates / house-mates also to stay well clear of the kitchen and hold a similar posture as yours.
12) As you hold your breath and wait, listen intently for the whistle.
13) As the first whistle comes along, heave a sigh of relief
14) As the second whistle comes along, heave a heavier sigh of relief
15) Be ready for the third whistle and as soon as it blows, rush into the kitchen, turn off the
stove and dive outside, doing a double somersault and wait in a crouching position outside the kitchen. Stay in this position for a couple of minutes and if nothing happens, then get up, push your chest out, and walk beamingly towards the kitchen with an air of achievement.
16) If anything goes contrary to your expectations, pick up your phone and call Dominos (Strict
adherence to the above tips is extremely essential for retaining this choice)